Vulnerable

We today has me emotional. For most of the day I was fine, reading the hunger games, even laying in the hammock while Andy was napping (which led to the first sunburn of the season). The topic of the book is disturbing, I thought it was aimed at teenagers, but while it was thought evoking it is a bit deep and had me thinking too much. For those who don't know I strongly believe that thinking too hard about this world will make a person CRAZY! I was pleasantly surprised when Brett came home early!  And boy was I glad he was there for the next "event" of the day, or I may still be collapsed in a heap. I was reading on the couch, Andy was playing as usual on his floor mat with his best friend the octopus dangling above his head.  He has had a cough for a couple weeks, but the Dr. said it is probably allergies. I hear him cough not usually something that would catch my attention but thankfully this time it stole my attention from the Nook. I noticed he was turning red, like he couldn't cough up the phlegm, I get up and take the few steps toward him when his eyes met mine and I realized he couldn't breath. he looked so scared, I saw something orange in his mouth and assumed it was regurgitated carrots from lunch, I of course scoop him up turn him upside down and fully expected him to throw up his carrot/turkey concoction. but nothing came out, I of course had yelled for Brett and swept my finger through his mouth in time to retrieve an orange guitar pick as his dad arrives to see what the commotion was. Andy and I are both crying and Brett is looking confused. Neither Brett nor I could figure out where it had come from (he was laying in the middle of the living room floor, on a play mat) Even if it was on the floor and I hadn't seen it how on earth did Andy have the dexterity to pic up the tiny flat object? He rarely even picks up his toys, he can't roll over so he couldn't have seen it. Regardless it terrified me, and made me realized how vulnerable we are. I thank God I was in the same room, imagine if I had been doing the dishes or ran to the bathroom. It makes me cry just thinking of the what if's.  We did a safety sweep of the living room and the rest of the house. But we couldn't have imagined this happening and Andy is so immobile, how can we protect him when he is up and walking? Can we ever possibly be ahead of all the potential dangers? It overwhelms me. I feel so ashamed I let this happen, I didn't see him picking it up, I didn't protect him. the look in his eyes is haunting me, Almost like he could say Mom, what the heck, you're not supposed to let things hurt me. Squeezing him a little tighter, realizing life is precious and Praying God protects us. or Protects him from us, from the world that can hurt him.