Friday Favorites

My Favorites this week! 

 Baby nursery at VBS

Military planes flying low 

baby toes

Not hating tummy time

The sweet Damato children, Amy Kate and Lucas sure brighten my week! 

Healthy 9 Month check ups! 

New snacks! 

Drinks at Locos with Magoo! (And an old friend living close)

A 4 year old pup! 

An amazing husband, who is my best friend, who truly "gets" me!

College Baseball! Go NOLES! 

Baby kisses

Lunch with Friends, Bread bowl soup! 

Movie night! 

Fridays Favorites!

I have been trying to start this blog for a couple weeks now... I have wanted to start a weekly themed post SO I am going to attempt to account for my blessings weekly with this list!!  

*Lunch with a sweet inspiring friend!

*Portable dvd players that keep a baby from crying on the 2.5 hour trip that turned into 4!!
* Grammie Lou holding my baby! again!
* Husbands who install previously mentioned dvd player... twice ;)
* baby toys
* NAPS (For both babies and me!)
*Husband who kills wasps and spiders!!
*My family!
*Graduations
*Rolling over(finally)
*Boat rides!

*Family walks! 
*Cousins!
*Rainy Days spent in bed!
*Sunny days at the pool!
*New Car Seats
*Fixed AC
*Lunch with old friends
*Church service where we were married!
*Lunch at gordos
*swimming in Florida Springs! 

Twice in a week

Wow, I am setting records, this is the second of three (hopefully) blogs this week. 

So I have had this overwhelming fear since Andy of all the bad things that could happen to him. Things that would take him away from me. Awful things, Awful fear, Awful thoughts. Things I can't control. A fear that is making me seriously considering going to a therapist about because I pray every night that Andy wakes up in his crib the next morning and I can actually sleep with nearly obsessive thoughts of Abductions and SIDS rolling through my head.

  Listening to Christen Price speak tonight at church I realized that  I am something I never would have labeled myself. Controlling. I have always admitted that I fixate on things too much but I never used the term controlling. So boy was I surprised when during "you might be a Redneck  Controlling person if..." a few too many things on the list that applied to me.  Ugh. Self realization is always hard.

Anyways she related her type A personality with Mary in the bible and how Mary never questioned Gods plans for her life, she rejoiced in his plan. Christen talked a lot about motherhood and how hard it would have been for Mary to stand there and watch her son be crucified. A mother's instinct to protect her baby, how she had to let go of control, let go of her plan for him and TRUST.

As we closed with a song, I tasted the tears in my mouth as I prayed and I realized, my fear was selfish and controlling.  I want Andy, but he isn't mine he's God's. While I hope and pray that I have many many decades to share with my son, I know no matter what his life holds it is according to God's Plan.  As I opened my eyes I looked at the Stained glass window in the front left corner of the Traditional Sanctuary. Jesus with Children in his lap. A far better lap than I will ever be able to offer. A message to me that He is in control.  My heart aches for the parents I read about in the news or the stories I hear about my fellow church members losing their child. It is unbearable to think about but it isn't something I should worry about because God will protect him better than I ever can!

I'm Beaming!

Well the other day I had a very vivid dream, I can't remember but a second of it but I remember waking up with a flood of thoughts.  I was talking to a man in my dream and he was encouraging my to share my faith. In the dream he told me that God uses us to channel the light. So I woke up and thought God is the Light, We did an entire study on this, this spring in Small Group and Church.  But that morning as I was lying in bed it hit me really hard. What have I done to share the light? What have I done to embrace the light? To appreciate the light? I have so many blessings but what am I doing as a child of God to pass them on to others?

I recently read a book by Renee Swope called " A confident Heart" and I will admit I may have only read the first two chapters. (ugh, I really mean to read it all - I about jumped up and down when I heard about it on a friends blog! I NEED to read it!) regardless even in the very first few pages it spoke volumes to me.  Loosely she was talking about her struggles with confidence and how she was in a dark place in her life. She said she realized that she could only see these shadows because she had "turned away from The Light." It is so simple and obvious but I need to remind myself of that A LOT!

Since we have moved to Montgomery I feel like I have really turned around, but I don't feel like I am at a point where I can full on face the light, I am standing there sideways turning my head back and forth at my convenience. I have met some truly inspiring Women at Saint James and am proud (excited) to call them friends!

So then I started thinking about when people are really happy they are referred to as Beaming or Glowing. How awesome is that if we really were reflecting the light so much that others noticed and commented on it!  New Goal! 

Diapers

It has been a while. I don't ever have a "thing" I want to write about so rather than trying to be inspiring I am just going to go with stream of consciousness (spelling?)
So what is on my mind, um diapers.  We bought a big box of Pamper's baby dry diapers because you get more in the box than our typical "cruisers" but I have to say more is defintely not better.
We have had lots of explosions lately  resulting in more laundry than I'd like to do,(tip, always put blanket down on floor under baby, much easier to clean) but we have over 150 of the darn things left, so do I give them away and move on with a lesson learned (never buy a huge box unless you know you like them) use the crappy ones (for lack of  a better phrase) until they are gone, I hate to travel Thursday with bad diapers and have a repeat of our last road trip (because I will be by myself, and have the dog to deal with). Then again is it really the diaper or the baby jumping up and down in it that causes the leaks?

Baby development is also on my mind, is Andy EVER going to roll over? Crawl? and what is up with him waking up in the middle of the night screaming?? We go back to the doctor on June 21st, 9 month appointment already and I have a list a mile long to ask Dr. Wood.

One thing I am sure about God has blessed me with a GREAT baby and I am so so grateful to be his mom full time! best job ever!

Vulnerable

We today has me emotional. For most of the day I was fine, reading the hunger games, even laying in the hammock while Andy was napping (which led to the first sunburn of the season). The topic of the book is disturbing, I thought it was aimed at teenagers, but while it was thought evoking it is a bit deep and had me thinking too much. For those who don't know I strongly believe that thinking too hard about this world will make a person CRAZY! I was pleasantly surprised when Brett came home early!  And boy was I glad he was there for the next "event" of the day, or I may still be collapsed in a heap. I was reading on the couch, Andy was playing as usual on his floor mat with his best friend the octopus dangling above his head.  He has had a cough for a couple weeks, but the Dr. said it is probably allergies. I hear him cough not usually something that would catch my attention but thankfully this time it stole my attention from the Nook. I noticed he was turning red, like he couldn't cough up the phlegm, I get up and take the few steps toward him when his eyes met mine and I realized he couldn't breath. he looked so scared, I saw something orange in his mouth and assumed it was regurgitated carrots from lunch, I of course scoop him up turn him upside down and fully expected him to throw up his carrot/turkey concoction. but nothing came out, I of course had yelled for Brett and swept my finger through his mouth in time to retrieve an orange guitar pick as his dad arrives to see what the commotion was. Andy and I are both crying and Brett is looking confused. Neither Brett nor I could figure out where it had come from (he was laying in the middle of the living room floor, on a play mat) Even if it was on the floor and I hadn't seen it how on earth did Andy have the dexterity to pic up the tiny flat object? He rarely even picks up his toys, he can't roll over so he couldn't have seen it. Regardless it terrified me, and made me realized how vulnerable we are. I thank God I was in the same room, imagine if I had been doing the dishes or ran to the bathroom. It makes me cry just thinking of the what if's.  We did a safety sweep of the living room and the rest of the house. But we couldn't have imagined this happening and Andy is so immobile, how can we protect him when he is up and walking? Can we ever possibly be ahead of all the potential dangers? It overwhelms me. I feel so ashamed I let this happen, I didn't see him picking it up, I didn't protect him. the look in his eyes is haunting me, Almost like he could say Mom, what the heck, you're not supposed to let things hurt me. Squeezing him a little tighter, realizing life is precious and Praying God protects us. or Protects him from us, from the world that can hurt him. 

Wow what a weekend

Had an AMAZING weekend of worship! The women's retreat at church opened both Friday night and Saturday morning with the praise band, I wish EVERY day could started this way! Debby Woods of Race Runners inspired me to always seek God and to recognize his voice. I pray to know his word better and to live life constantly in conversation with God. Today Church and Small Group were great, studying I AM, The light. I want to turn out of the darkness and seek the light.
In the Johnson house we have come exciting times this weekend, Andy is cutting his first tooth! And I am starting back to work, I am going to work at our church nursery because it is the only place I can earn money and not worry about Andy's care ( cause he can come with me!) I am so excited and nervous at the same time! Even a little more income will help so much but I will miss going to services! I have a feeling and a hope that this will lead to more. I hope my life is enriched!

Inspired!

I have been inspired by a friends blog for an idea for a weekly update of things I am thankful for! 

* free tree seedlings for Arbor week 

* Betting on The Voice with B and winning foot rubs every week! 

*Shows that have adoption plot lines (Grey's, Smash...)

*Valentine's date without a baby boy! (a few weeks late lol)

*Women's retreat this weekend

*Texts with my sweet niece

*Listening to Brett play Call of Duty with my nephew and bro in law online

*blocking bad energy

*watching the cat outside! (here's to no litter box before Andy can crawl!)

*Sweet new friends 

*Music at church

*Small group

*The amazing Word

*BONUSes

*Christening outfits that are 20% off 

*Ebay sales

*deliveries

*Sleeping babies at the mall! 

Valentines

One of my biggest flaws is that I fixate on things, I get it from my dad, when something doesn't make sense to me I beat the dead horse until it does, or until someone gets annoyed enough to tell me to drop it. Funny thing is it drives me nuts when dad does it. Nevertheless, I all to often find myself stuck on things. My fixation leads me to being critical of others, something that I am not proud of.
 I am not sure how this segways into what has been on my mind lately, and I am debating whether I should erase that part all together but for now it lives.   Lately, I have had a lot of time to think, mainly about missing interacting with people. I yearn for it.
Facebook is my primary source for human interaction, well adult humans that can talk and don't need their diaper changed every two hours. I LOVE it when people comment on my posts, like my pictures, message me. LOVE it. When we were getting up every two hours I would check my phone for messages from my friends who were also new moms, we'd compare notes, sometimes commiserate, it was what got me through the first few months! but after a while it died down, I missed everyone's comments. I was disappointed when the number of likes I would get on that cute new picture of Andy.  (today I felt so happy when I got a lot of response to our Valentine's photos, which is what sparked this blog) I started to think about how many times I commented on other people's posts, which was next to never. I believe in the golden rule, you get what you give. So I have intentionally been trying to be more positive and less passive socially.  I wait for things to happen to me, wait for other people to initiate plans  instead of searching for things to do and doing them. I hate that.   I have struggled since we have moved here because I have felt like every time I have reached out it to someone it ends up not working out for one reason or another. It is hard not to take it personally and to get discouraged. Last week at church Allen talked about being a lego, you only have 8 connectors and once they are full there is no where else to plug in. I am convinced everyone I've met here doesn't have room for a new connection and all I have got is open spots.  I am currently fixated on this. I want to keep trying but I am discouraged. I take things too personally, but am I really putting forth my best effort? NO. I know I'm not.  I am self destructive. I know I need to be more intentional, more considerate, more understanding but I struggle. I know I can't keep waiting for friends to show up at my door step, but I don't know how to stay motivated. Example from last week, I learned that EVERY single other mother in my Kindermusik class is a military wife, and will all be moving in June. back to square one. BTW, speaking of Military wives, I am not sure how they do it, being new all the time. I am in the midst of an identity crisis trying to find somewhere to fit in... But I want to intentionally try to be social but I am not sure my ego can handle more failed attempts.

Oblivious

You know how you have never really hear of something and then all of the sudden it is EVERYWHERE. I am never quite sure if I was just oblivious to it before and or if it is really more rampant in the last five months.  I pretty sure I am just more sensitive to it now. But yesterday I heard the news that another local child has passed away, this time in a fire. What a nightmare, my biggest fear is that something would happen to take Andy away from us, and since he has been born I swear the news has been nothing but Child abductions and deaths. Every day I thank God for what I have and pray for the families of these sweet children, I guess God needs angels of all ages, but it hurts my heart to think about the families left here to face this world without their joy!

More.

There are a lot of things I want more of. I want more time with my husband, more time with my small group, more time sleeping, more friends, more family time, more money but generally I want MORE to do.  I miss the days when my schedule was so overflowing. I remember being in the 4th grade and thinking it was so cool that I had something to do every night after school. Ever since, I have always enjoyed being involved, I have always been more efficient when I have more to do.  I am seriously jealous of people who have busy schedules. 

I count my blessings everyday that I am able to be a stay at home mom, I can't get enough of Andy. Actually that still feels like a dream, because I never really thought that I would be lucky enough to stay home. It has always been important to me, I wanted to have memories with my children like I did with my mom, who also stayed at home, but I honestly never thought it would really be something I would be privileged enough to afford. 

But Andy and I would like more to do, socially.   After 6 months now in Montgomery, I know people but I really don't DO anything with them, even though I would like to! 

We are starting Kindermusik this week! I hope we make some good new friends! 

Things I don't understand...

Since we have moved to Alabama I have had a few things I don't understand.  Feel free to explain to me.

First Football, college football, mascots and war chants, please explain to me Auburn Tigers saying WAR EAGLE? and What is with the Crimson Tide and Elephants? Tigers and Elephants aren't found in Alabama. Florida State Seminoles, Florida Gators, Miami Hurricanes, are all things I understand because they are all from Florida, and "Scalp em" is something an Indian would say!

Second road signs. I grew up in Pennsylvania where the anti littering slogan was " Keep Pennsylvania Beautiful."
 Alabama on the other hand has signs that say:  Does anyone else feel this is illiterate,  Keep Alabama the Beautiful... WHAT???? is it a play on America the Beautiful? except KEEP doesn't make sense. I guess I shouldn't expect more out of a state that doesn't have a single recycling program, that makes me feel dirty.

Next issue I will start with this statement: There are 13 states that are split between two time zones...  Idaho and Oregon are split between the Mountain and Pacific time zones. Kansas, Nebraska, North Dakota, South Dakota, and Texas are divided between Central and Mountain time zones. Florida, Indiana, Michigan, Kentucky, and Tennessee are split between Eastern and Central time zones. Finally, Alaska is divided between the Alaska time zone and the Hawaii-Aleutian time zone.

OK SO WHY is the "You are now entering Central Time Zone" sign two miles into Alabama on I85?

what a difference a year makes

Exactly 365 days ago... there were two pink lines!
A year ago, I could barely sleep I was crying because I had never been so excited, apprehensive, shocked, amazed!
And today I got to kiss this Blessing goodnight, for the rest of my life I will never get enough goodnight kisses! I love you Andy!

2012

Nothing makes me feel better than when Andy takes good naps.  There were certainly times when I thought my kid would never sleep. It seems so easy now, I remember those days when I used to sit holding him, crying and going insane because I couldn't figure out why my baby was the only infant who didn't sleep. I mean really it was heartbreaking to hear him scream and watch him turn so red,even if I just put him down for a second.  Zantac is his lifesaver, my sanity saver, and boy do I love these naps. This is the most perfect time in motherhood, we have a great routine! I wish it could last forever. I am really scared of toddlerhood, I am not sure I will be able to keep up.
Last night in Small Group we talked about change, and how it is human nature to not instigate it.  But where would we be if God didn't change us every day? We all talked about things we didn't expect in 2011 and how it shaped our lives. Ours was obvious, We found out we were pregnant on Jan. 11, 2011. to think he was only a few cells big then, and now he pushing 17 lbs. yeesh.  It is super exciting to think what 2012 will bring, first words, first giggles, maybe even first steps.  I am excited to see what God has in store for us next!
My resolutions include being more positive. specifically,  in my facebook status posts. It is so easy to complain on there, I sure did a lot while I was pregnant. But I want to focus on my blessings, I mean really how terrible is it if someone I was friends with couldn't get pregnant and all I did was complain about being sick. I want to appreciate things more, to stop being self involved and really put more love and happiness into 2012! So even if Andy poops on me, or pees all over I will focus on how wonderful it is to have a healthy little boy who has the ability to do so. And no matter how isolated I feel at home alone everyday, I will shout how lucky I am to see my boy grow everyday!
My other resolutions include, being more organized by keeping my house cleaner. To keep my families finances moving toward being debt free, cooking more (even if I can burn water and most of what I cook successfully comes from a box...) and of course, be back to the weight I was when I met Brett before Andy's first Birthday, 40 lbs to go.
But besides being a better me, I want to be a better Christian. Pray more, Learn the Word and Act on what God asks of me.
May 2012 be blessed!