12 Weeks

Our "little" baby is 12 weeks old already! He is growing like a weed! Next Tuesday he will celebrate his 3 month birthday, it is hard to believe. When do you stop counting weeks and just go with months? When do you start baby food, and sitting up? oh the number of things I have learned and he seems to be teaching me every day, his preferences. I really think he is out of the scream when you put me down stage and now into scream if you try to keep holding me and don't put me down to be by myself and relax~ not so sure that is gonna be a good thing on our flight to Arizona next week! It really was like someone flipped a switch though and all of the sudden he was a new baby (or it may be the Zantac that is making him feel better when he lays down lol)
 He is also napping in his bed now, as long as the sound machine is on, curse the timer in the baby  noise maker. It limits his naps to 45 minutes, that is if I don't get there fast enough to hit reset  before it turns off, because one second of silence is enough to wake him up. Then generally, he is then happy for 20 minutes and then goes down hill to crabby baby because he was still tired and it is next to impossible to get him back to sleep before he has his next bottle!
I am collecting mom tips, things I have learned that I wish someone had told me before I had Andy.
Tip # 1- Don't waste money on small bottles (less than 8 oz) because 12 weeks later you won't be able to use the 20 or so 4-6 oz bottles you bought/ got... (well maybe more than 12 weeks if you aren't feeding a horse like we are, but really how early can you start baby food, because we are maxed out on cereal in the bottle already)
2 - They really don't advertise that you will have logic defying psycho moments (or weeks) after you give birth. My stepmom mentioned it to me before I had Andy, but I didn't understand, yea yea I had heard that your hormones change blah blah, but this was no PMS this was clinically irrational.

Okay so that is all I can think of that I am now telling my pregnant friends. But it is now my new favorite question of mom's what have you learned that you wish someone had told you??

scared.

as a new mom one emotion that rules my life is fear. Have you seen that commercial where this group of people are leaving an office building and they are all cringing saying "oh it burns... it's too bright... " and the window washer guy looks at them funny and says "it's just the sun"  I feel exactly like that. Completely normal run of the mill thing petrify me these days. Logic is still in there sometimes but really it is weird the things I find myself thinking will hurt Andrew. I am pretty sure I am gonna become a hobbit if this keeps up because leaving the house causes so much anxiety. I know that the worst that will happen is Andrew will cry through dinner and I know I am perfectly capable of changing him and feeding him on the go but I always worry about not meeting his needs or exposing him to all the crud the world has to offer.  I sit here in the pediatricians office for his first sick baby appointment and think how ironic it is that the first thing he catches is a sore throat from ME... well I dont know he has one. I mean he can't really tell me that is why he was up all night screaming but I have one so I can only assume it was my kisses that gave him one too... I am not sure what you do for a 7 and a half week old with a sore throat so I sit here waiting for the doctor to tell me that there really isnt anything you can do beside wait it out. And wouldn't you know he hasn't been screaming at all today. When he was awake he pretty mellow, not clamy like he has been, so maybe they will really think I am nuts.
Indeed, I am nuts.  He doesn't seem to have my crud but the Dr. does think he may have silent reflux. She prescribed Zantac and doubling the amount of rice in his formula. Problem, she wrote the script for 1 cc twice a day, this is above the manufacturers recommended max, so insurance denied it.  The pharmacy called for me and got them to cover it but do I call the MD and ask why she gave him so much? Regardless, I hope this works! Off to suck no some menthol cough drops and debate if I want to go to walmart to get orange juice or go to just go to bed!!

two nights in a row!

I am really tired, but I am really trying to do this nightly.  Tonight is going to be short for sure!
Did I mention I was tired? I have a to do list that is a mile long and seems like it is getting longer, it takes me forever to accomplish anything these days.  Cleaning and Laundry aren't even on the list... I feel like the only time I can get things done is when Brett is home and then I feel bad because I want to spend time with him and not just dump the baby on him.  So I RUSH to accomplish something of priority, most of the time it starts with a shower. Did I mention Brett is always tired too, so he is ready for bed by the time he gets home, which makes me even more rushed because my window is so small before I feel bad that I am keeping him awake.   Every other night bath time with Andy has to fit into that time too... It is a two person job because I didn't buy the infant bath tub I bought a seat, but our bath tubs are too deep to sit outside of so one of us has to get in with him and the other has to be ready with towels when finished... When will this end.  This blog was dumb, but I feel rushed even when the boys are sleeping, because well the clock is ticking for me to get in bed to clock some ZZZZZ's before Andy wakes up for a bottle! I can't wait for the day he sleeps all night and can be put down during the day! not that I want to rush him in growing, he is already getting too big!

New momisms....

Well i planned to blog far more often than I have been but haven't so here are random thoughts that span my first 6 weeks of motherhood. * they should really advertise that having a baby causes temporary insanity. Brett may argue the temporary part. But there were some seriously disturbing thoughts and emotions.over the first few weeks. And a lot of tears. Feelings of inadequacy, wondering what you have gotten yourself into, and how you might fit this kid back into you for a while are prevelant. Luckily logic returns and you realize your baby will indeed continue breathing through the night and will not suffer abandonment issues for life if you put them down so you can pee. I am still working on the it wont hurt him to cry for 15 minutes so you can do things like eat but i am getting good at one handed maneuvers! * I was most afraid of not sleeping but haven't found myself too overwhelmed and each night gets better especially now that our days include more naps. Rice cereal is amazing... * Also not advertised is Breast feeding problems. My milk never came in and I was under some sort of delusion that this couldn't or wouldn't be an issue and it ended up being our biggest problem. And sadly today was the last day I pumped as we are six weeks. But Brett has reminded me that there are also blessings in this like the pill can resume on Sunday which means we wont be having another one before forget what the last six weeks were like...
Coming soon to this blog... four months in Alabama, one year of marriage and a future in adoption.

Baby Andrew's arrival!

Well, time has been flying for sure, how is Andy already two weeks old? So much has happened that I want to blog on that it is gonna take a while! Starting with his birth story!
Andrew's 38 week ultrasound estimated that he was 8lb 2oz. so our Dr. decided we would need to schedule his "eviction" if he didn't arrive by his due date. So at 40 weeks and 4 days he was evicted! (if you havent watched the will ferrell funny or die video with his daughter playing Pearl the land lord , do it. "Evic-evic," it really made Brett and me laugh when the dr. called it eviction rather and induction.)

SO We checked in Monday the 19th at 3 pm. and started a the first drug (not Cervadil but the other one I don't remember the name of) to prime my very closed and non effaced cervix. The worst part of the night was the external fetal monitors, I couldn't move. Even the littlest shift and the nurse would have to come back in to readjust and find a heartbeat again. For me at 10 months pregnant, staying in one position for more than 30 seconds was a major quest. Not to mention the bathroom runs every 30 minutes... let's just say sleep is not something that happened that night.
 **Warning, this blog should probably be called TMI... keep reading at your own risk**
 At 4:30 a.m. it was time to start the Pitocin. I had started having contractions through the night but I didn't feel them so I was expecting them to get worse really fast.  I was so paranoid that I needed to have a bowel movement before they hit because what would happen if I was pushing and last night's dinner showed up? I attributed most of my contractions to having to use the bathroom most of the morning. Until the "whirlwind" hour happened. I call it that because sooo much happened so fast. It started about 7:45. I was in the bathroom again but wasn't getting any um... results. When I gave up and was about to return to bed I noticed what they call the bloody show. Did I also mention that you cant wear underwear all night and how uncomfortable that is.  I had Brett call the nurse and she said that I am probably thinking I have to go to the bathroom because I am really starting to feel contraction pressure and things are starting to progress. She was right, She checked me was now about a cm dialated and 75% effaced -2 station (which means baby is still high above the pelvis). Let me add that my nurse was new... so checking was a process and usually ended up having her supervisor coming to confirm what she had said... doesn't make one feel confident at this point.  Five minutes later, my OB shows up and decides to break my water and to put on a internal monitor. Again, let me stress that they don't clean up after themselves after this so now things are gushing and running and there and I just have to lay there in mess and spread em every 30 minutes so someone can check the progress, UNCOMFORTABLE. That was the worst part, the dirty feeling, throw a girl a towel please!
 Well the contractions were really in full swing, so I wasted no time requesting the epidural. So I ended the hour with as they inserted my catheter and tube into my spine! It all seemed so fast but next thing I know the pain was gone. Hurray!
Except as I am very senesitive to drugs and I had a bad reaction. My left arm went numb, I felt like I couldn't breath and my whole body was shaking so bad my jaw hurt. I remember trying to throw up but my diaphragm was numb so I couldn't heave. Scary! but with all of that I could still feel my legs. They got the anetheologist to come back and though it took some time to convince him the dose was too high for me, He finally did turn it off for about 30 minutes before turning it back on at the new reduced dose! The pain of contractions never came back but feeling in my arm did! At this point, Tracy had arrived and she and Brett, decided to go to get some lunch around 10:30.  I had progressed about 4 cm and completely was now effaced but Andy had not moved down at all so the nurses came in and told me i had to roll to one side for an hour to help the baby move. I was trying to sleep but kept feeling more and more pressure in my back with each contraction. I called the nurse for breakthrough pain meds and by the end of the first hour I was begging to change positions. When they did the nurse checked me and I hadn't made any progress in the last two hours. Luckily my Dr. was in surgery at the hospital all day and he was checking in frequently. When he came back about 12:30 he checked me again and decided that the pressure I was feeling was the babys head pushing on but not progressing through the pelvis. I wasn't making changes so he decided to prep for a c-section. I was actually relieved, the day had actually been go by fast but I found relief in knowing I was going to meet andy in an hour.  Plus for some reason I was more nervous about pushing him out than I was going to the operating room. About 4 nurses started the whirlwind of being prepped, noted to be missing was my nurse, who when I asked her supervisor about her I was told she was in class now.  Relief that this part was not a learning experience!

They were shaving, and removing monitors and buzzing around. They asked me if I had any metal on, nope, let's roll.  Brett was in his scrubs, and Tracy takes her place in the waiting room.  As they transfered me onto the table I realized that I still had my bra on, which has metal... OOOPS, but atleast I remembered before they started!  Now I was obsessed with the fact that the anesthesiology understand that I can still feel my legs.  AND " um are you sure we didn't turn this epidural down too much cause I will be scarred for life if I feel this." But he took his freezing cold hands and put it on my shoulder then on my belly and said you may feel it's there but you don't feel the cold anymore do you.  I didn't. So they begin, Brett is there with me, I am trying not to freak out and I am impatient, I want to meet this baby! Dr. Griggs and Dr. Thomas are pushing and pulling but no baby yet... it seemed like forever.  then they keep saying you are going to feel a like and elephant on your chest as they push the baby out, I never felt the elephant but I heard a baby crying! Brett didn't get to cut the cord, apparently it was wrapped around his neck. I missed that part.  They held Andy up for Brett to see and to take pictures but they never dropped the curtain for me to see.  So the first time I laid eyes on my child was when I made Brett show me the digital pictures before he rushed over to be with him while he got checked out.  I had now reached a new level of impatient, no one had showed me my baby yet, I heard him crying but when do I get to see him.  The lady training with the anesthesiology told me, whoa that boy has balls as big as a horse. I remember asking what color hair he had about 12 times before someone answered me.  and what seemed like another eternity Brett finally brought him over to meet me! They only stayed a few seconds before heading to the nursery! I then started the loooongest wait of my life, being sown up... it was a looot of tugging and pulling and it took forever.  I remember saying ouch a lot and then asking how much longer does this take. Then into recovery we go!! And that is how Andy entered the world! 

9 months and holding

Well, I intended to start blogging on January 11, 2011, fast forward exactly 8 months (almost) and I am finally inspired! On 1-11-11, I was pleasantly surprised by this... 

As we had only been trying for two months and I had been previously diagnosed with PCOS (leading cause of infertility) and that second line was pretty faint, I seriously thought I was seeing things so I followed that up with these! 

and well I honestly still can't say I truly believed it, until I saw this. 

Well to be honest on 1-12-11 I had my first round of morning sickness, and by the time they actually did that sonogram I was pretty confident I was either dying or indeed pregnant. I was thrilled, Brett was thrilled, there had been many tears and anxiety over the fact that I had been told I may not be able to procreate and now we had undeniably beaten those odds. But the celebration was muted by the reality that pregnancy was not pretty and blissful as I had always assumed it would be. I was sick and tired. Whoever named it "morning sickness" was sadly misinformed, because "all consuming- 24 hour/day-think you are dying" sickness. That is a fairly adequate description of the next 5 months of life for me. It was a good diet, but a miserable experience. By April, my days had become dragging myself out of the bed, going to work to spend 6 out of 8 hours as close to the bathroom as possible, sleeping through lunch and going home and straight to bed.  Thankfully, I was put on disability and had some relief because I wasn't stressed with working anymore. Not that I felt much better but at least I was at home! These pictures were very vital to my morale over those tough months, they were my only reminders that I was indeed pregnant and not just dying! :)

Well fast forward to today 9-10-11... I sit here and feel over cooked and like time has come to a complete stop. I am due in 6 days but it may as well be 6 years for as slow as time has been moving over the last month.  The last few months have been better, we moved to Montgomery, Alabama for Brett's job, and in His mercy I did finally start to feel better. I attribute the change in health to a new prescription for Zantac, a miracle drug! It was boiling hot outside, I didn't exactly have the energy I used to but I had stopped puking daily! Weight started pouring on, up until this point (mid June) I had only lost weight.
So now we wait, I run a gambit of emotions, mostly terror with strong sense of what did I get myself into... but I want to get the labor and delivery over with and move forward blindly into parenthood.   Will hopefully keep up with blogging after Andrew enters the world!